Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
