Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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