K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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