I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
