Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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