So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
