if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
