it's not cheating when I paid for it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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