Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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