wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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