So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
from now on my penis is your penis
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
