i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
