Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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