but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
