Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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