Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
