I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
