This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
