He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
