we have officially lost it.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
