bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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