u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
