you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
