He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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