But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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