Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
