when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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