I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
