dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
