Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
