I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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