FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
