I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
