I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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