dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
