I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
