an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
