if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
