1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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