Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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