Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
