Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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