What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
