so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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