3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
