I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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