he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
