i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
