somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
