it's not cheating when I paid for it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
