dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
