Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
