are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
