I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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