Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
