I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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