we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
